On Hurricanes and Acceptance
Life, much like a hurricane, can be out of our control sometimes.
What a season it’s been. I’m sitting here reflecting on what has happened in life since the last time I wrote to you here. Living in Florida, we have experienced three strong storms. Debby, Helene, and Milton. To say the least, these storms were devastating for millions of people who lost power, homes, financial security, peace of mind, and more. The impacts are still being felt in our most vulnerable communities, where debris still lines the streets. For many, there’s a mental fog that has lingered, especially on the back of dealing with an election that has left so many feeling unsafe and uncertain.
In conversations I’ve had with my friends, there seems to be an existential dread. We’re exhausted. Many aren’t feeling the warmth and joy of the holiday season. We’ve been over-stimulated and overwhelmed.
Personally, my journey has also brought a new storm. Devastatingly enough, I found out about a week ago that my Cushing’s Disease is back, and Mr. Steve Urkel (my pituitary tumor) is growing back. I knew when I felt the symptoms earlier this year, something was going on. I was tired. I wasn’t recovering from my workouts as quickly as I could have been. I felt nervous more often. Weight was coming back on. My blood pressure started to tick up higher than I have ever experienced. A new MRI and blood work showed that I am one of the 10-20% of people with this rare disease whose tumors grow back. Long story short, life is lifing.
In the midst of all of these hurricanes, I began reflecting about how life is similar to this force of nature. Life can feel calm until slowly, the wind starts picking up speed. As the winds pick up, it starts to drizzle light rain. Sometimes, these storms can pass over quickly, and sometimes, they linger over the ocean, gaining strength and intensifying as they approach you. You’re standing on a shore, and if you feel the storm coming. You brace, knowing that it could be bad. You do everything in your power to protect yourself. Boarding up the windows, finding a shelter, trying to evacuate, but the challenge is still coming. When it hits, it hurts. The wind, the water, the floods - they devastate. In every hurricane, there is an eye of a storm, where all is silent, a moment of reprieve and then, it's back to more destruction. That's how life has felt lately. One scary event after another.
How does one cope? How can we be well when everything seems like it’s out of our control and the storm has wrecked us?
I might not have a definitive answer, but as I reflect, I think about change and acceptance. Life will never fully be in our control, but times of destruction welcome transformation and adaptation. What have your storms taken away from you, and what can be replaced to cope, adapt, and make it to the next moment? For me at this moment, it looks like rest. It’s giving myself grace, knowing that I’m doing my best. It’s accepting the acknowledging the grief I feel, and letting myself feel it. It’s going to therapy consistently and showing up, even if all I can do is cry. It’s reaching out to my dear friends and family. It’s continuing to be vulnerable and share my journey, so that hopefully someone else can read this and choose themselves, no matter what that looks like. In the end, this devastation will make way for something new. As the trees lifted from the soil are cleared away, and as the floodwaters recede and reshape the landscape, we can be confident to know that the sun will shine again.
As I hang on in the midst of this storm, I remind myself that it too, shall pass even if it’s hard right now.
